Rape

I am soo surprised to see such an onslaught of rape or sexual assault cases being broadcast across the news, especially since rape is one of those crimes that can be severely humiliating in all aspects. From the act, to the reporting, to the potential trial that can arise from it. It is understood, that anyone coming forward with these allegations will have a lot to prove, and nowadays with so many skeptics against the alleged victims, one can only imagine that even less rapes of a non-violent, familiar nature are reported. It is common knowledge that most rapes occur among people who are at least slightly familiar with each other. According to RAINN, approximately 73%of victims are familiar with their assailants.

With more women exploring their sexuality and/or independence in this confusing feminist liberation era, you’re even more likely to find yourself in questionable situations, where it is unclear if a crime even really occurred. However, I do think some situations are brushed under the rug even though proper investigation would show that a crime did occur. One such situation involved a college student who had a casual friendship with a schoolmate, while they were both in relationships. They just spoke in passing, since they had different majors and only saw each other outside of class in communal living areas, and always had good fun conversation. Once they even joked that if they were both single at the same time, they should probably date without realizing that it would actually be a possibility, since they both felt their relationships were solid at the time. Well that moment came, and the opportunity presented itself for them to pursue a relationship. As most college students do, they became intimate for a brief moment. However, the girl decided to end relations in a less than flattering manner. She told the guy that she just wasn’t sexually interested in him; An unfortunate result of having sex before you really get to know a person and appreciate them for who they are, so that sex doesn’t come down to simple performance. The guy of course felt a need to prove himself, but was told at every occasion following the break, that the girl was not interested. He even suggested they arrange a night with another person involved. To which the girl laughed, and declined, thinking it was just some dumb joke by a horny boy trying to prove himself. She never knew this guy who she thought to be innocent and studious and far from the average drunken jock, would try to take advantage of her or deceive her. However, one night she was invited to hang out in their campus apartment, which was on the bottom floor of her campus apartment. She was on her way up, and thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to stop in and chat for awhile. After all, no sex doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…right? Well, after some laughing and talking a stupid typical college student challenge was made about who could do the most shots. A challenge this girl had already taken previously in the past and won. Considering their relationship and perceived trust, established boundaries of no sex, and no sexual tension felt in the moment, she had no idea this was all a plan to loosen her up for other events to come later.

Shots began with whiskey, while the girl was actually used to tequila shots. She had no idea how different one liquor could affect you from another. Most college students don’t learn this art until later in life after many mistakes (FYI – I am not promoting drinking, just describing a mentality). After the first shot, the girl cannot remember anything, save a few moments of conversation here and there. It sounded something like:”you guys shouldn’t do this, just take her upstairs”. To the girl yelling “get your hands off of me”, to who was later identified to be the EMT who was carting her off. However, she was awakened to a hospital room, where a nurse told her she almost died of alcohol poisoning. She then found herself confronting the some of the guys in the basement apartment, where one guy freely admitted that the two other guys not present tried to have sex with her, had planned it from the start, and he told them not to do it. The roommate of the girl reported that she heard screams from downstairs and went downstairs, brought the girl back upstairs and called 911.

To make matters more confusing and humiliating, the EMTs had ripped the girls clothes off (and probably further provoked her response to fight and defend) to get to her chest. The girl allegedly bit one of the EMTs while trying to get him off of her, because she apparently thought she was still under attack. Even with all of that, when the girl went in to do a rape kit at the hospital, the nurse asked her to take an AIDs test at the request of the EMT for fear that her bite could have given him AIDs. There was no consideration for the already humiliating experience. Flash forward to the school president requesting a campus meeting with all parties present. Little did the naïve college girl know this was illegal and hostile, but she agreed to go to hear their side of the story. Instead, the group of all males in the room, tried to convince her that she needed to drop the charges (charges she never filed, but were filed by the state), and that how can she claim anything happened when she was drunk for the whole incident. Included in the room, were the two males who had originally told her how they tried to help her, except now they had changed their story, and were defending the alleged rapists, claiming that they never said a rape occurred and that they didn’t see anything. Feeling alone, the girl met with the DA only to be turned away, and have all of her phone calls go unreturned. She was eventually told that they did not need her to testify and they already have her statements. In addition, the ex-girlfriend (who also lived right across from the alleged rape victim) of the original boy and ALL of her friends began to harass her, and call her a whore and a liar. All of this chaos, sent this girl’s junior year into turmoil, and made her just want to shrink away. Instead of pursuing anything, she just stopped, hoping all of the chaos would just go away. The only thing that happened was, people were moved around to alleviate any tension in the apartments. The following year of her graduation she spent with her head down, and literally no communication with any of the people she used to normally talk with. She was happy when it was all over. However, it wasn’t over. She had no idea whatever came of the case, whether or not it was dropped or if the boy was sent to jail. He was one year ahead of her, so to not see him the following year wasn’t unusual. In this case, there was at least probable cause to believe the boys premeditated the rape; however the girl’s credibility was dragged through the mud, due to the addition of alcohol that the girl admittedly and freely drank.

Was the girl irresponsible with her own safety? I think so, and it is probably a sense of guilt and shame (further elevated by all parties involved) that caused her not to pursue this incident with more vigor. However, she really didn’t have much reason to feel that she was in jeopardy from a boy who always seemed like he could have been a good boyfriend and never talked in much of a devious manner before. Did the boys plan to intoxicate the girl and take what they couldn’t get her to freely agree to sober? I think so. Does this constitute rape? Well….you decide…

In this age of abundant rape skeptics who believe that females cry rape falsely (most of whom happen to be males, although some are females [sigh]), a woman should really weigh whether some conservative values are worth holding onto. What is more important: your safety and reputation or your ability to compete with men in the workforce AND the bedroom?