Cyberbullying

I am going to make this quick. I heard a radio morning show discussing this subject, in regards to an 11 yo girl who was bullied online in the news recently. There has been public outcry to this, to have the internet policed, and the talk show asked how do we feel about this.

I have to say (and called in to briefly say so), that although I think the people who do this are in fact cowards, hiding behind a computer screen, I do not think the internet should be "policed". At least not in the sense of 'who is saying whatever mean thing you can think of', but possibly to the degree that it could be done in real life: stalking, slander, defamation, etc. (all things that are hard enough to prove when you know the person, much less an anonymous stalker). The problem with the internet is it gives depraved people the opportunity to attack random or known people and rally whole mobs against them all behind a cloak of anonymity. Something that is mostly harmless in the virtual world for those with iron guts. However, there are people who are a little more sensitive to words..."sticks and stones" and such. As evidenced by the people who have committed suicide as a result of cyberbullying.  In addition, there is the possibility, especially amongst classmates, colleagues, social groups, etc., for these things to spill over into real life. This is where these things can cause real harm to people, and put people in real physical danger.  Since the online world is very impersonal there is also a lot of room for misinterpretation; not to mention there is an equally valid and opposing point to ANY thought, belief, opinion, or comprehension of a situation.  So, there is an endless capacity to attack or oppose someone.

Since I have been blogging, I have to say, writing in this manner, has given me the opportunity to be more outspoken about my opinions in a sense, and to even defend them more vigorously.  You could say it has empowered me in a way that I wasn't able to accomplish in public discourse (in some ways).  I have said things that I did not know would anger people, and was shocked at the backlash I received.  I have said things that I knew would piss people off, and was still shocked at the VERY INTENSE anger I received on and offline as a result.  I have no regrets for anything I have said, and I am very familiar with how dangerous it can be when these things leave the virtual world.  However, despite all of that, I think the public outcry to this and other events is an over reaction to something very minute, when in fact the bigger problem is not really being addressed.  People are becoming more and more morally bankrupt, and there is no better place to see that,  than on the internet.  Like I said to the radio DJ, I would rather see the internet become less anonymous, so that people would have to be accountable to their words and have ownership over their thoughts.  I believe I would rather know, who thinks I am [insert some asinine expletive here], than have that person keep it to themselves while pissing in my coffee pot.  Sadly, even in real life these people exist and prey upon others.  That leads to another problem I see.  People need to be more aware of the fact that the world is not this safe place where your life is never in danger and teach their children that.  I was blissfully in this naive frame of thought until I became a blogger.   

Lastly, the DJ also made a comment about "who allows their 11 yo free reign to post on the internet".  I'd like to take a different stance, and ask: Who allows or teaches their child or even themselves to attack people in such angry and hateful manners?  The problem is not the 11 yo girl who thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread, the problem is the anonymous bully, who hates her for it, and feels the need to say so.

So I will repeat, I think these people are cowardly, mean-spirited creatures who are a plague on the illusion of the society we think we live in.  They do serve a purpose though, they are a reality check for the rest of us.  The internet does not have much in the way of rules and regulations, but it does provide you with ways to protect yourself, ban people from your website, and control your virtual environment.  It is no different than the Wild Wild West (or the REAL WORLD we live in), so please don't forget to put on your armor when you enter and prepare your children in the same way. [Ephesians 6:10-18]

Rape

I am soo surprised to see such an onslaught of rape or sexual assault cases being broadcast across the news, especially since rape is one of those crimes that can be severely humiliating in all aspects. From the act, to the reporting, to the potential trial that can arise from it. It is understood, that anyone coming forward with these allegations will have a lot to prove, and nowadays with so many skeptics against the alleged victims, one can only imagine that even less rapes of a non-violent, familiar nature are reported. It is common knowledge that most rapes occur among people who are at least slightly familiar with each other. According to RAINN, approximately 73%of victims are familiar with their assailants.

With more women exploring their sexuality and/or independence in this confusing feminist liberation era, you’re even more likely to find yourself in questionable situations, where it is unclear if a crime even really occurred. However, I do think some situations are brushed under the rug even though proper investigation would show that a crime did occur. One such situation involved a college student who had a casual friendship with a schoolmate, while they were both in relationships. They just spoke in passing, since they had different majors and only saw each other outside of class in communal living areas, and always had good fun conversation. Once they even joked that if they were both single at the same time, they should probably date without realizing that it would actually be a possibility, since they both felt their relationships were solid at the time. Well that moment came, and the opportunity presented itself for them to pursue a relationship. As most college students do, they became intimate for a brief moment. However, the girl decided to end relations in a less than flattering manner. She told the guy that she just wasn’t sexually interested in him; An unfortunate result of having sex before you really get to know a person and appreciate them for who they are, so that sex doesn’t come down to simple performance. The guy of course felt a need to prove himself, but was told at every occasion following the break, that the girl was not interested. He even suggested they arrange a night with another person involved. To which the girl laughed, and declined, thinking it was just some dumb joke by a horny boy trying to prove himself. She never knew this guy who she thought to be innocent and studious and far from the average drunken jock, would try to take advantage of her or deceive her. However, one night she was invited to hang out in their campus apartment, which was on the bottom floor of her campus apartment. She was on her way up, and thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to stop in and chat for awhile. After all, no sex doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…right? Well, after some laughing and talking a stupid typical college student challenge was made about who could do the most shots. A challenge this girl had already taken previously in the past and won. Considering their relationship and perceived trust, established boundaries of no sex, and no sexual tension felt in the moment, she had no idea this was all a plan to loosen her up for other events to come later.

Shots began with whiskey, while the girl was actually used to tequila shots. She had no idea how different one liquor could affect you from another. Most college students don’t learn this art until later in life after many mistakes (FYI – I am not promoting drinking, just describing a mentality). After the first shot, the girl cannot remember anything, save a few moments of conversation here and there. It sounded something like:”you guys shouldn’t do this, just take her upstairs”. To the girl yelling “get your hands off of me”, to who was later identified to be the EMT who was carting her off. However, she was awakened to a hospital room, where a nurse told her she almost died of alcohol poisoning. She then found herself confronting the some of the guys in the basement apartment, where one guy freely admitted that the two other guys not present tried to have sex with her, had planned it from the start, and he told them not to do it. The roommate of the girl reported that she heard screams from downstairs and went downstairs, brought the girl back upstairs and called 911.

To make matters more confusing and humiliating, the EMTs had ripped the girls clothes off (and probably further provoked her response to fight and defend) to get to her chest. The girl allegedly bit one of the EMTs while trying to get him off of her, because she apparently thought she was still under attack. Even with all of that, when the girl went in to do a rape kit at the hospital, the nurse asked her to take an AIDs test at the request of the EMT for fear that her bite could have given him AIDs. There was no consideration for the already humiliating experience. Flash forward to the school president requesting a campus meeting with all parties present. Little did the naïve college girl know this was illegal and hostile, but she agreed to go to hear their side of the story. Instead, the group of all males in the room, tried to convince her that she needed to drop the charges (charges she never filed, but were filed by the state), and that how can she claim anything happened when she was drunk for the whole incident. Included in the room, were the two males who had originally told her how they tried to help her, except now they had changed their story, and were defending the alleged rapists, claiming that they never said a rape occurred and that they didn’t see anything. Feeling alone, the girl met with the DA only to be turned away, and have all of her phone calls go unreturned. She was eventually told that they did not need her to testify and they already have her statements. In addition, the ex-girlfriend (who also lived right across from the alleged rape victim) of the original boy and ALL of her friends began to harass her, and call her a whore and a liar. All of this chaos, sent this girl’s junior year into turmoil, and made her just want to shrink away. Instead of pursuing anything, she just stopped, hoping all of the chaos would just go away. The only thing that happened was, people were moved around to alleviate any tension in the apartments. The following year of her graduation she spent with her head down, and literally no communication with any of the people she used to normally talk with. She was happy when it was all over. However, it wasn’t over. She had no idea whatever came of the case, whether or not it was dropped or if the boy was sent to jail. He was one year ahead of her, so to not see him the following year wasn’t unusual. In this case, there was at least probable cause to believe the boys premeditated the rape; however the girl’s credibility was dragged through the mud, due to the addition of alcohol that the girl admittedly and freely drank.

Was the girl irresponsible with her own safety? I think so, and it is probably a sense of guilt and shame (further elevated by all parties involved) that caused her not to pursue this incident with more vigor. However, she really didn’t have much reason to feel that she was in jeopardy from a boy who always seemed like he could have been a good boyfriend and never talked in much of a devious manner before. Did the boys plan to intoxicate the girl and take what they couldn’t get her to freely agree to sober? I think so. Does this constitute rape? Well….you decide…

In this age of abundant rape skeptics who believe that females cry rape falsely (most of whom happen to be males, although some are females [sigh]), a woman should really weigh whether some conservative values are worth holding onto. What is more important: your safety and reputation or your ability to compete with men in the workforce AND the bedroom?

Liberalism and Racism

Living in San Francisco has given me a fresh perspective on the racist liberal. For whom I once thought was an oxymoron. For the most part, they do not even realize they are racist. Their biggest crime is blind pride and reformed apathy. As some were once high achieving geeks, turned indifferent hipster, and finally becoming the life defining "activist", or simply pot-heads, porn addicts, or [insert some societal deviation here] seeking justification for their lifestyle; they feel they have seen it all and can (or will not) do no wrong or harm. They tend to fall into a foreign culture at a late stage in life and “accept” it for all of its self-destructive traits.

The racist liberal does not expect more from the minority that they “represent”. [Who asked them for representation?]

They do not understand the meaning of the individual among the minorities whose causes they “valiantly” fight for. [I am not a clone of my fellow ethnic counterpart.]

Their haphazard and superficial way of learning a culture and then “assisting”, has led to broad misconceptions and obstructive ideologies in mainstream society. Their passionate condemnation of assimilation has taken up arms against conservative moral values, wrongly assuming that the two are the same. I am not even sure if they realize the original fight was against assimilation. As a reformed liberal, turned independent, and potential capitalist republican, I have to say, I am soo tired of them. Their attempt to “understand” other cultures stems from a belief that we are profoundly different, yet somehow the same. Their embracing of lowered standards has only led to a lowering of standards amongst their own ranks. Yes, we are different…each and every INDIVIDUAL. But we all congregate in the good US of A for pretty much the same thing: The pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. Yes, there are struggles that are culturally unique, but there are also numerous opportunities that are still truly exclusive to this cultural America that bonds us together. I just hope we don’t lose more of those opportunities over time.

Are all Liberals racist? No. In so much as one could say all conservatives are racist, it would of course be a false statement. However, there are enough racist liberals that do not realize that some of their rhetoric and actions are just as damaging to a multi-cultural society as the vehement racist. To me it is similar to the Civil War: The South made no mystery of their stance to keep slavery legal, however the North’s seemingly honorable fight against them has been shown to be more about their lack of financial potential in this sector of wealth, and a push to level the playing field, rather than a true fight to liberate slaves. Who do I find to be more of a threat to me and society at large? Well, I would have to say the person who is shaking my hand, while selling the shirt off of my back.  It kinda reminds me of that song by Cake, Comfort Eagle.

Gender Roles

I think it is safe to say that women are on the rise in the professional arena. Although some media outlets would have you believe that we haven’t broken through the glass ceiling, I think we have instead drilled a hole and put a door in it to the other side. The US census report from 2009 indicates that the female-male income ratio was 0.77 in 2008. So we still only earn $.77 on every dollar our male counterparts earn if you do not account for side-by-side industry comparisons. Each industry is different, so a side-by-side comparison might show highly variable results. However unfair that looks in our liberal and female empowered society, we have still come a long way from $.63 in 1997 to less than $.50 in 1947. How has that translated for women in general?

With this rise in female earning potential and the subsequent decline of the earning potential of males in certain industries a call for change or revamping of gender roles has been seen more and more in mass media. Women have become seemingly more independent, and less likely to be subservient to men. Men have found themselves in a sea of women who could potentially earn more than them, and are not as easily impressed by their mere existence. Does this mean that men should now put on the aprons and become the stay at home Dad? I think not. If anything, wholesome men should see this as a call for further advancement, a need for change in the strategy in which they pursue women or develop their careers. Women still bear the children, and are still the ones physically equipped to chemically bond with and nurse children through their younger years. And this woman would still rather have a male head of household. In this age of highly promiscuous images, women fumbling around trying to find their perceived liberation and empowerment, and more diversity among the wants and desires of women, men have got a lot more to contend with if they want to find the woman that will be a good life partner for them, meanwhile not insulting the sensibilities of the “modern woman”.

Some men have taken an unreceptive stance against the upwardly mobile woman. Meanwhile others have convinced women to take on the role of “bread winner” in the household. Whatever the case may be, women have won the right and the time to choose their mate. However, I think some old rules should still apply. Men should pursue women that are more compatible in education and life goals. Otherwise, the key factor of communication in any relationship is further hampered by conflicting ideology and understanding. If you have not had similar educational experiences your frame of reference might be vastly different. And if you do not have similar goals or respect for each other’s goals, then you might find yourself growing apart rather than together. Women should be aware that any man they invite into their life even as a friend is going to leave a lasting mark on them, therefore they should be mindful of who they interact with. Men can easily come and go, but women create mental bonds. They should also know that whether or not the man is head of the household, they should definitely know what kind of household they want to live in; because the man usually sets the tone and pace for the life that you will lead. So ladies, choose wisely.

Ephesians 5:17-33 (verse 21 indicates that submission is one to another, but ultimately it is to God).

Idiocracy

Have you seen that movie called Idiocracy? Click on the movie title to read the synopsis. I sometimes feel I am living in an idiocracy post Bush era. Except in my idicocracy George W. Bush was the Black President, and Obama is an intelligent version of Luke Wilson who became the next President. We have all given up our civil liberties, and have decided it is OK to dictate to people how to live in the FREE United States of America. The wealthy have taken to more base exploits, while still enjoying the harboring of the vast majority of wealth. According to the "2007 Survey of Consumer Finances” in the US, the top 10% of society hold approximately 82% of all the wealth in this country by net worth. We are all stuck at some nightmarish tea party where the host is dictating our character roles, our expected manners, and even our self worth. Most people are simply drinking it all up, and following orders. Very few people are even questioning the host. The problem is nobody knows who the host is. Whatever happened to live and let live? I guess that went out the window with the Patriot Act.

I really don’t know where we stand in the dawn of this new President. The skeptical, conspiracy theorist in me almost feels like he might be a selected face to further placate the masses into giving up more civil liberties. Although I didn’t vote for Obama in the primaries, don’t get me wrong. I truly do appreciate the end of the Bush era, and the call back to qualified politicians who actually hold some degree of education and knowledge in the arena of law and government. However, sometimes he seems too good to be true. I was totally on the Obama train since he has been in office, and even relieved when Health Care Reform passed (sadly without the public option), but there were some things that seemed to get lost in the muddy waters. That’s just my thought, but I always question authority.

There is nothing more American than questioning authority, but with the maturing of a refined civilized society, social rebellion (what made this country FREE) is seemingly barbaric at this point. The Tea Party Movement has been deemed psychotic by the media, and with their methods of demonstration seemingly inciting violence and being wildly defamatory who can blame the media. Afterall, if you haven't gotten the memo yet, the media's job is to exploit the unusual and brainwash the masses...not report unbiased news. However, what are the Tea Partiers really fighting for, than just a call to justice and holding our government accountable? They would probably have been more credible if they had rose up during the Bush administration. They might also have been shot on sight, LOL. If we are losing our civil liberties at a staggering rate, then God help us, because the rebellion that would be desperately needed would not have much of a chance against the armed forces AND the social directive. The bible speaks of end times with the rise of social order under the guise of Christian values: Revelation 13:16-17 (however all of Chapter 13 is best if you have the patience and read with understanding).

If you ever get a chance to watch Idiocracy, you might find it amusing if nothing else. I highly recommend watching it with a bit of an open mind to see if you see any similarities in society at large. If you do not find it in the least bit disturbing, you may be in danger of being the "idiot". There is one glaring message that lurks beneath the general message of the movie; An obvious missing element found in the synopsis but not in the movie, that goes unquestioned. Whatever the case may be, our world has a long way to go. I just wonder if we have stopped drinking the “Brawndo” yet.

Resentment

One lie that has been told about me and numerous black women who have promoted interracial dating, is that we resent black men for dating other women. I can only speak for myself, so let me set the record straight. I would be a hypocrite if I myself loved to date other men, but then thought it was not right that black men do the same. I have never, and will never have a problem with black men dating other women. First of all, who am I to be dictating to a total stranger who they should and should not date? Secondly, I used to make it a point to converse with these men, because I thought they were the open-minded type of men I would like to keep as friends (notice I said friends, and not necessarily lovers). However, I found that most of those men were very hostile towards me simply because I was black. I have met very few black men who are friendly to me, while also dating other women. To them it almost seems to be some childish competition to see who can date interracially more; Which shows a lack of maturity as well as understanding of gender roles.

My aggressors have paraded many black male/white female couples in front of me to get a reaction, but I only find them amusing. The more you need my attention, the more I know you really are concerned about me and what I do. So I am going to keep on doing me. Resent you for who you date? I don’t think so, and that goes to all men not just black men. If I were concerned with whom another person was with, I would have self imploded a long time ago. I am only concerned with men that are respectful, loving and/or kind to me. Actually, I would say that goes for women as well. If you want to enter my realm, please meet the above criteria, otherwise you are just a passing blip in my world.

The Journey

I started blogging awhile back, just to get my thoughts out there in the blogosphere. It never went far, but I did eventually come across some sites where black women were promoting that we date outside of our race. Since I am someone who has always kept my options open, and hate to hear the “nothing but a black man” mantra, I followed them and left lofty comments to encourage black women. Since then, I was attacked on those blogs by what I have to assume are black men. You never know who you are talking to on the internet. They have taken my words out of context, and spread lies and rumors about me. I now feel that the only way to set their wrongs right is to tell my own truth.

Yes, I believe that black women should date men other than black men. In general, I don’t think that someone’s race or ethnicity should play a role in your decisions, unless there is some cultural value that dictates otherwise (with the exception of pure and simple hate). This perceived loyalty that prevents black women from entertaining advancements from other men is unhealthy. Unhealthy to the point, where black men know they can rely on black women to always be there for them no matter what. Sorry ladies, but if a man knows he can do no wrong, he will never feel the need to do right. Their brains just don’t work like ours. In today’s society where most men (of all persuasions) are confused about their role in the household/family, it is getting even tougher to find a good, wholesome man with traditional values (that won’t also expect you to be barefoot and pregnant). For black women who subscribe to “nothing but a black man”, this confusion in society makes their situation even more dire.

Now on to my truths. Do I love all white men ? NO!!! Do I know there are racist white men, idiotic white men, pathetic loser white men? OF COURSE!!!! I have always known that all ethnicities have their idiots. However, due to some recent trauma experienced at the hands of black men, who want to make me feel like white men do not notice me, find me unattractive, or do not want me, I will never date another black man again. I do not feel this is the course other black women should take, but it is the conclusion I have come to for myself. I have to qualify that decision, by also stating some historical facts about me. It is kinda sad that I have come to that conclusion, because although I have always been open to other men and have had a blast dating men of all persuasions, as a child I did always want to eventually marry a black man and have black children. Oh well, that phase is long over now and my decision is final. Before you bash me for that decision you need to go and chastise the multitude of black men who have made a public sport out of bashing, exploiting, and dehumanizing black women. I also have to state that although the black men have resorted to using very ignorant and foolish people of all persuasions to attack me, it started with them, so I attribute all events to them.  In addition to completely cutting out ALL black men, these recent attacks have made me realize that my lax attitude towards dating men in general, needs to be overhauled. I used to believe that you shouldn’t be too hard on guys, because they’re not that smart, and there are a lot of diamonds in the rough. Now that I have been dating for awhile, and am now on hiatus, I realize the real threat that loose men pose to women. There are very few diamonds in the rough, and women should definitely know what they want in a partner, and NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS. It is actually vital to whatever life it is you want to lead. Lately, men have made an art out of convincing women to lower their standards, but I say DON’T DO IT!! Since I have been under attack by these men, I have seen some pretty vile behavior from men AND women in general, even down to justifying rape, and I am no longer disillusioned to think that most men will do what is right. The only thing my aggressors have accomplished is making me realize I need to know, raise, and stick to my standards. They have also made me realize how little you can rely on the next person. Which was a hard pill to swallow, considering I always believed in the good in all humans and fought daily to prove it to my more pessimistic brethren.  I really dont want to lose that or become the pessimist that they are, because it is what makes me truly unique and pessimism is tiresome.  As a new found Christian, it is actually taught in the bible that you should be weary of other people, but not in complete fear and isolation:  Matthew 10:16-17.

I am not sure what I hope to accomplish with this blog, but I am sure it will come out in some way or another.



That’s it for now…